TRASH TRADITIONS!

After over three decades, some people mock me and others rebuke me for being unable to fluently speak my native dialect - Igbo. Sometimes, I have felt the need to do more than just respond to greetings and hold very simple surface conversations in my dialect, but more of the time, I have not felt I am obliged to be any proficient in a native dialect. I have several reasons for this, but I’ll share just two, and to be clear, I don’t care if you think they make sense or not, they are my opinion afterall... I guess you might even buy into them.

So, of course, one of Africa’s greatest potential for strength is her many thousand diverse and unique ethnic groups and peoples. Unfortunately, this same diversity has been more harmful than useful in the overall development of many African societies (in my opinion) and Nigeria is certainly one of those... On several occasions, I have seen the ability or inability to bargain in a native dialect result in higher or lower costs for the buyer, and I am sure you have also had similar experiences. It is simply disgusting, to say the list. Of course, bargaining is a very basic instance, there are several other more complex circumstances where ethnicity is the only condition for preference. The result? Your guess is as good as mine.

Secondly, not only is ethnicity detrimental to those who are of a different ethnicity, it is annoyingly detrimental also to those of the same ethnic group. I’ll give you two instances with the Igbo tradition (which is what I am familiar with). Before a loved one is laid to rest, the immediate family of the diseased is expected to perform certain ‘rites’ for the kinsmen namely; purchase of a well-fed he goat (sometimes it is advisable to allow one of the kinsmen to buy the goat themselves, so it is not rejected), several cartoons of drinks, something called ‘sizable meat’, coolers of rice and soups for various groups in the community, among others. Many times, the cost of completing these burial rites are so high that the diseased is left in the mortuary for several months and a few times, even years, very sad! The exact same thing happens in the event of getting married to a lady from the Igbo tribe, just that the number of cartoons and coolers may vary slightly. 

What is even more thought-provoking is that many of these so-called ‘kinsmen’ feel a sense of entitlement to literally ‘reap where they have not sown’ in the name of traditional rites. Apologies for sounding so sentimental in this post, that’s because I really am upset; some traditions are indeed worth trashing!

Some think this has to continue, just because it’s the way ‘our fathers did it’, first I don’t agree our fathers were this exploitative, and even if they were, times have changed... who’s joining me to say NO to exploitative tradition? 

#myrandomweeklythoughts

IG: @dr_mykk

THE COST OF LOVE!

I have been thinking about this for a while; I had shared it at a function recently where I was invited to speak on a related subject, and I think I want to share with y’all this thing that has been on my mind; fortunately it is one other thing that getting married has taught me... ‘Love’ in Africa, especially in Nigeria, is very expensive! How do I mean?

In the ‘West’, a man finds a woman he intends to make his wife, upon giving her consent, parental blessings are sort and in a small gathering of family and a few close friends, the marriage Union is contracted and the journey begins. In most cases, the budget of the small gathering/wedding ceremony is borne by family and close friends; from wardrobe to cakes to pictures to logistics, everything. 

On the other hand, in Nigeria; especially where I come from, the story is a little different. Once you have found ‘love’, a number of factors are involved; first as the man, you need to consult with other people (fellow men) who have gone ahead of you to get an idea of what obtains on what they call the ‘marriage list’, and most times too, you discover that just like textbook have various revised editions, ‘the list’ is also constantly updated (and almost always reviewed upwards), so what constitutes one persons ‘list’ can be entirely different from that of another, even when they married ladies from the same town. As if they were not enough, almost every Nigerian lady wants a three-fold wedding - at the village square, at the court and in the church. Interestingly, the cost of the wedding at the village square almost always exceeds the cost of those at the court and in the church combined, except your lady is the type that insists on certain things - asoebi, 8 layered cake, exotic wedding gown - God help you!

Some argue that the rationale for this age long cultural practice is that it places more value on the woman and makes it more difficult for her husband to leave her; of course when you remember how much the love cost you, you will rethink divorce more than twice... While I cannot confirm or refute this argument, I know that separation is on the increase; a whole 14% increase in separations in Nigeria in the year 2018 alone (https://www.thecable.ng/the-rate-of-divorce-in-nigeria) Also, the psychological implications too are overwhelming; may men delay marriage until they have built the financial muscle to undertake such costly enterprise (they end up getting married in their late 30s and early 40s to much younger ladies). Another concern is that once the cost has been incurred, a man sees his wife as a commodity he has bought and thus can dictate to her how to live the rest of her life with him and most times she barely has a say.

My point? Some of our cultural practices in Africa and Nigeria especially, are holding us in a stunted growth position. We can achieve better result by other more civil means if we put our minds to it. Unfortunately, most of the custodians of these traditions/custom are not enlightened and very resistant to change. I have a whole lot more to say, but I’ll reserve that for PART TWO of this thought next week.

Can you disagree with my views? Certainly! Please share your own thoughts in the comment section below 👇🏽

#myrandomweeklythoughts

#dr_mykk

ITCHING EARS

This week I came across a nugget titled; ‘Itching Ears’, which I found very insightful and gleaned so many profound lessons from. I’ll share some excerpts from this nugget:

“From the conscience that shrinks from new truth, from the laziness that is content with half truths, from the arrogance that thinks it knows all truth, O God of truth deliver us. We can’t stand the truth, so we heap for ourselves people to tell us what we want to hear. We read and cite works that agree with our prejudices. And we choose friends, politicians, and preachers to tickle us with versions we resonate with”.

Come to think of it, everyone of us is guilty of this to some extent, only that the degree of our guilt may vary. So it is safe to say that we all have ‘itching ears’, just that the ‘ears’ of some are ‘itching’ more than others. The truth is that may of us have become so mediocre that we get so uncomfortable around (or outrightly dislike) people who insist on doing things the right way and at the right time; excellence has become so discomforting, especially for many young people. 

For instance, feedback from many of the students who have come under my tutelage think me to be stern, mean, and some even say ‘wicked’, and their justification for these perceptions are; I insist on coming to class regularly and promptly, I insist that they study and make the best of their time in school, I insist on avoiding the use of smartphones during lectures, I insist on silence and concentration during lectures, among others. I am certainly not their favorite, but you know what? I may still not be a favorite even if I was permissive, and besides excellence is more valuable than some mediocre validations. So why not continue to pursue excellence?

Who’s with me on this pursuit for excellence; slowly but surely? Kindly indicate in the comment section 

Please read, comment and share!!!

IG: @dr_mykk

YOUNG TEACHERS: THE FUTURE OF THE PROFESSION

October 5th is World Teachers Day set aside by the United Nations Education, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) to celebrate Teachers across the globe. Incidentally, 2019 happens to be my 9th year of teaching. I did some reflections on the WTD, and I thought to share some of them with y’all.

Growing up, teaching was never enviable to me, I don’t even think I did sufficiently appreciate the efforts of my teachers, until I got into their shoes. Only when I became a teacher myself did I really appreciate the native adage that is translated thus: “you never really appreciate the usefulness of a basket until it’s time to dispose trash”. Looking back on my life and how I got here; I am deeply and eternally grateful to every single person (including my mum and late dad) who spent time, no matter how small, to share some form of knowledge with me. I am even more grateful because I know I must have made the process a lot more difficult owing to my ‘block-headedness’ and extreme playfulness at the time. Now I understand!

One other thing that kept resonating on my mind from the WTD is the role of ‘Young Teachers’ in this age of high-speed innovation and change. The days when ‘village headmasters’ or ‘Mr Lecturer’ could do the trick are almost gone. The wisdom and experience of the elders in the profession is priceless, but the truth is that many older teachers are the students in many of today’s classrooms. We can’t over-emphasize the Influence that a young teacher has on students who are in his/her generation; it is profound! This influence doesn’t come without its negative sides too as many students have graduated to sex partners and ‘friends with benefits’ of several young teachers. 

Regardless, young teachers, indeed, are the future of the profession. However, we must keep our head in the game and ensure that every influence we have on our student is a positive one!

From your experience, How did any of your younger teachers stand out (positively or negatively) from their older colleagues? Feel free to share your comments in the section below! 👇🏽

#myrandomweeklythoughts

@dr_mykk

Independence Edition

Honestly guys, I ran out of caption for this write-up. I wouldn’t mind your help in suggesting captions (in the comment section). And I am keeping this one short and straight to the point.

Well, it’s another Independence anniversary week, and I guess we are all expected to be writing or saying ‘Happy Independence Day’ to Nigeria, but the truth is I do not know anymore. We are a long long way from a ‘happy’ independence guys! I have a million and one reasons for this conclusion and I am sure you may have more, but I’ll share one that is still very fresh.

So this past week, I went to undergo an eye examination for my drivers license at one of the state teaching hospitals in Nigeria (name withheld). I do not want to go on about the ‘road’ that led to the eye examination. So I walked into the room after asking close to a dozen people for direction from the gate, and these two women are sitting at the desk with bottles of soft drinks half empty on the tables and their eyes fixed on their phones, and it’s about 10.30am. I walk up to the desk and say ‘good morning ma’ thrice before one of the women looks up at me after almost 30 seconds after the third ‘good morning ma’ and asks me to take a seat after telling her why I was there. For another close to 30 minutes, these two women are still with their eyes on their phones while sipping on their bottles of soft drink intermittently, while myself and six other people in the room remained seated ‘awaiting our verdict’. After about 30 minutes, one of the women looks up and makes eye contact with me (already getting very irritated, although expression-less) and asks me to come, she then opens one of the files on the table and hands me a form, asks me to fill it and go make payment at the cash point. Luckily, I am back with the payment receipt in less than 10 minutes, and I am asked to ‘hold on’. After another 15 minutes of ‘holding on’, the form and receipt are taken from me, stapled and handed back to me to take to the eye clinic.

Eventually, I leave the room after almost an hour from my arrival with the form and receipt in my hand, and am wondering why it took me one hour to fill a form and obtain a receipt, but unfortunately, that’s all I could do ‘WONDER’!

I know I said this will be short and straight to the point, but unfortunately it’s difficult to make ‘short’ talks about Nigeria these days. I’ll be looking forward to your suggested captions in the comment section. Also feel free to share your own similar experiences (if you don’t mind). 

In the meantime, ‘keep your head above the water’ while we continue to seek solution to the terminal illness of our dear country.

#myrandomweeklythoughts

@dr_mykk

IN SEARCH OF PEACE!

Celebrating International Peace Day 2018 with my International Relations Students!

Imagine a world at peace! A world where everyone loved not just their neighbor but the stranger too. Imagine a world where states/nations interacted on the basis of love; no trade wars or military alliances or peacekeeping missions or strict immigration laws or terrorist or all that... a world indeed at peace! Far from reality right? Well, on the contrary, Bible believers will disagree and argue that the hope of the reality of such a world at peace is indeed their motivation for life. 

In the meantime though, away from ‘hope’ and back to reality. Our world is in desperate search for peace. The International Day of Peace (September 21st) is one of such dates set aside to re-emphasizes some of the very key issues that challenge our world. Since the last ‘Day of Peace’ many more thousands have died in ‘peaceful’ protests in Venezuela, HongKong, Egypt, Sudan, Zimbabwe, Nigeria, just to mention a few; brothers have risen up in arms against their fellow African brothers in South Africa, the trade war between China and the United States appears to have lasted 365 whole days (having repel effects on many other individual lives and homes in several other countries and continents). My point? The more in search of Peace we are, the further from us Peace appears. 

While international, regional and national commemorations and reminders are essential, the search for peace MUST begin on the inside, and not externally. Come to think of it, the situations that make peace appear evasive first originate on the inside. Violence and unrest and insecurity and death all originate from the inside; how we choose to act or react are what make or mar peace. So rather than externally, let’s all look inward and see how much of Ambassadors of peace or ‘war’ we are. Also, we must collectively begin to pay a lot more, or at least equal attention to peace as we do to war. How do I mean? Peace Education is an imperative! Defense and Strategic Studies, Art of War, Conflict Studies and Management are all essential, but Peace Studies, Science of Peace and any other related studies on Peace are more essential.

As we look forward to the next International Day of Peace (September 21st 2020) let’s all individually decide to actively reduce the casualties of violence nearest to us. Let’s also take a minute to say a prayer for the families of those we have lost in the last year and ask for courage on behalf of the families of those we are going to loose in the next 365 days, unfortunately.

Back to the perspective of Bible believers, real and lasting peace can only come from outside of this world, and am sorry, with all of these happenings, I agree with them! Until then, as much as possible, as far as it depends on you, live peaceably with EVERYONE!

#myrandomweeklythought

@dr_mykk

Yahoo-Yahoo Mentality

Last week, one of my students asked me; “why have you stopped posting on your blog sir”? For a few seconds, cat caught my tongue, I was lost for words. A number of things crossed my mind in those few seconds; so this student actually does read my blogposts, I really haven’t done any postings in a while... I don’t remember what answer I gave my student, but I’ll attempt some explanations here...

The last three months have been intense on my new job as Dad, and I guess I am enjoying every bit of it so much that I forget my weekly posts. Seriously though, consistency is a virtue I really am working hard at, please keep me in prayers. 

A lot has happened since my last post; RUGA, Fatoyinbo saga, Ministerial nomination and appointment (that one pepper me pass), just to mention a few. But I saw something two days ago, which awakened in my mind a stream of thoughts which I want to share with y’all! 

I have always felt uncomfortable with the internet scam (Yahoo-Yahoo) syndrome, not just because it is dubious and increasingly evil nature, but because of the boldness with which most perpetrators display their irresponsibility; untidy looks, sagging trousers, rough and mostly unruly behavior and very exotic lifestyles (one they couldn’t live in 20 or even 30 years if they earned an honest living). What baffles me, though, is that this ‘Yahoo-Yahoo mentality’ is the in-thing now, gradually society have accepted this ideology as well. Have you taken time to listen to some of the songs most young (and even old) people sing now? Let me just highlight two of them, I don’t know who sang them neither do I know the entire lyrics, but some lines stood out for me: “I wan make the kin money wey go make Dangote say who be this black skin boy...” and “Owo wa ni akpo yin, e je ka ba yin noo” (pardon my Yoruba typos)...

Photo credit: Wavy Naij

Don’t miss my point please, I am not saying it’s a crime to dream big and desire riches, and infact, many Nigerian musicians who do these songs, work soo hard (I hope) to make whatever income they are able to make. My worry though, is the listeners! How many young people these days believe in hard work, how many are concerned about the process that leads to getting wealth? Well, your guess is as good as mine. All the stories we hear of female sanitary pads and underwear's getting missing are more than enough evidence.

If you ask me, I’ll say we are headed towards disaster! I don’t even have a solution to proffer because this ‘Yahoo-Yahoo mentality’ has become a complex cell with even the high and might profiteering from it. Aside stricter rules and management in the music industry, I strongly suggest that everyone must take into their hands inculcating and emphasizing the dignity of hard work in every young person. The truth is, staying on this ‘fast lane’ will only guarantee a next generation of nuisance. People must learn and understand that ill-gotten wealth is like a loan from the bank, you always pay back with interest!

Let me know what you think! Leave a comment below ABEG!

#myrandomweeklythoughts

@dr_mykk

WHEN WOULD WE START TO THANK OUR VETERANS FOR THEIR SERVICE

It’s May 27th and it’s Memorial Day in the US; a holiday to celebrate military veterans who have have served, are serving or have fallen in service. Sure it sounds like any other holiday, but it holds a lot more meaning...

The military in my country; Nigeria, no doubt, serve under very horrible and deprived conditions. These harsh environment and ingratitude from those they serve have made them violent, angry, unfriendly and oppressors of those they are supposed to protect. This is the sad reality! On the other hand, I don’t know so much about the US military, but I have had a few experiences that have been eye opening. I’ll share two experiences quickly...

First, I was onboard a domestic flight in the US and I had a US army officer seated a few rows in from of me. I noticed that more than 90% of the passengers who boarded after me kept saying to the officer, “THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!” some even went as far as shaking his hand as they said “THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!”. I have noticed such complements several other times since then, but this one time stood out because it felt like everyone who said “THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!” was told to do so, but I am certain they weren’t. Second, I walked into a store wearing this US navy t-shirt I bought at a boutique. After picking up the things I wanted and went to pay at the counter, the sales representative asked me “ARE YOU MILITARY?” I said NO. And she went on “I THOUGHT YOU WERE MILITARY CAUSE OF YOUR T-SHIRT, I WAS GOING TO GIVE YOU A DISCOUNT”. Wow! These are very little things right? I bet they are some of the very little secrets that keep the morale of the US military boosted, promotes love for country, encourages effective, efficient and friendly serve to civilians and country. 

What if we did a little more to show our Nigerian military that we appreciate their service? What if every organization (private and public) had some independent plan for honoring the women and men who serve? What if we the citizens did a little more to show that we do appreciate their courage and sacrifice on our behalf? I think we would have a military we can be proud about. 

We ought to celebrate our military everyday, not only on January 15th. To all the officers, rank and file of the Nigerian Military (Army, Navy and Air Force), THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE EVEN IN DIFFICULT CIRCUMSTANCES!

#myrandomweeklythoughts

IG: @dr_mykk

DEAD BEFORE ARRIVAL!

On Wednesday May 15th 2019, Kay Ivey; Governor of the state of Alabama, signed the 

"Human Life Protection Act" into law. Everyone has been talking and even ‘walking’ about/against it, and am sure you may already know the whole gist, but let me fill you in a little more.

So the bill was initiated and supported by mostly conservative lawmakers (Republicans) in the state assembly, and appears the most stern legislation against abortion in the US at the moment. It makes no exemptions for victims of rape or incest and recommends a 10-years jail term for Doctors who ‘attempt’ the procedure, and 99 years for Doctors who perform the procedure. Under this law, abortion is permitted for only three reasons: to avoid serious health risk to the unborn child’s mother; for ectopic pregnancies; and if the unborn child has a lethal anomaly.

Here is what a friend of mine had to say about it. “It is the will of God for every life formed in the womb to live and fulfill destiny. It is also the plan of God for everyone confronted with  issues such as conception (pregnancy) as a result of rape or other life threatening issues to the mother to first seek His wisdom and counsel. Medical opinion, psychologists recommendation is great but not authority. What would God have you do?” While I think this is a very frank and valid position, I am afraid this generation really doesn’t care anymore about what God would have us do, we are rather occupied with fights for our rights, freedom, and equality, among others. Fantastic fights by the way, but unfortunately not so much victory to show for it. Of course we must fight on, but I believe ‘what God would have us do’ is key to more wins. 

Back to the matter. I have been thinking whether to share my thoughts on this issue, but well, here you are! My first worry though is; WHILE THE DOCTOR WHO PERFORMED THE PROCEDURE IS IN JAIL FOR 99 YEARS, WHAT HAPPENS TO THE PERSON ON WHOM THE PROCEDURE WAS DONE? Hmmm!

Anyways, I would try not to argue from a religious point, but rather from ‘reason’. So, two things! 

First of, I think abortion is SELFISH regardless of the cause of the pregnancy. I am not justifying rape or incest or even premarital sex (PMS). But if anyone is unfortunate to conceive by any of these means, it’s not about JUST YOU anymore, there is another life/lives involved. True, a victim of rape/incest/PMS has to deal with the trauma or guilt maybe for the rest of their life (but hopefully not), their life would be altered entirely because of a baby for whom they didn’t plan, and so on. But there’s someone else in the picture, so let’s not be SELFISH!

Secondly, I think the days are gone when rape or incest or even PMS should be used as excuse for abortion. I don’t know so much of how the female body works, but I know that even married people (who are supposed to have sex and make babies) choose which sex (or series of sex) they want to graduate into conception, and for the others they simple use contraceptives (you probably know more about this than me) to prevent conception from even taking place. So, if married people can prevent themselves from conception, why won’t a victim of an unfortunate sexual encounter (even more so) do the same? Someone may say that conception can still happen even after using ‘adequate’ contraceptives. Well, God would not appear in a white gown on your dinner table before you hear Him speak to you, would He? What if that is supposed to be your blessing in disguise? Anyway, even if you are not cut out for all this ‘religious stuff’, by first point above remains; DON’T BE SELFISH!

I am not trivializing the gravity of this issue. Abortion is a real challenge and a very sensitive one at that. That’s more reason why it requires caution and careful thought to make the best/wisest choice among available alternatives. And you better believe it, in very sensitive issues of this kind, the majority is almost always wrong. There is more, but I’ll rest my case.

Please let me know what you think. All of you that used to read and be sending me private messages (you know yourselves), drop your comment below a-beg! 

IG: @dr_mykk

#myrandomweeklythoughts

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU FOUND THE RIGHT PERSON TO MARRY?

First of all, apologies for not coming through with this last week. I decided to keep a few thoughts to myself, and I guess that’s okay right? Thanks for accepting my apologies!

So a friend asked me last week; “How did you realize you had found the right person to marry?” I know this is almost a cliche question, but trust me it is one of the most important cliche questions there are. I tried to answer her not as a professional (because I am not), but as someone who found MY ‘right person’. Notice I said ‘my right person’ not ‘the right person’. I’ll share some of my answer to her with you...

First, and most importantly (I think), how do you define ‘right person’? ‘Right person’ when it comes to marriage is a relative concept, because my right person may be different from yours. You may say that is obvious; two people can’t possibly marry the same person. I agree! But two people can marry two persons with similar values and principles, which to me is what determines who a person is, and whether they are right or wrong for something/anything. So the first question is; what values do you want in a husband/wife (which of these can you compromise and which of these values are non-negotiable)?

Many people say and believe that “there is someone for everyone”. I agree to the extent that everyone who wants someone eventually finds someone to be with, not that God specially created someone for anyone. Because if that was the case, a woman who lost her ‘someone’ in less than two years of marriage will not find another ‘someone’ to love and marry. Definitely it can’t be the same person as the first marriage, but it is definitely ‘someone’ for them too. 

You know, matters of the heart are complex and spiritual too, and need careful thought and prayer. Unfortunately, society is messed up; many kids are marrying kids, many fools are raising fools and some even prefer to marry their pets (I can’t describe the disgust I felt the day I overheard a group of ladies talking about how they felt making love to their dogs). Hmm! They say we should not judge *lips sealed*

I guess my point is; marriage is blissful if you choose YOUR RIGHT PERSON carefully and prayerfully. Don’t also stay careful and praying and menopause (or it’s male counterpart) catches up with you. Marriage is also a HUGE LEAP OF FAITH! God can help you find the balance!

Please leave your thoughts in the comment section!

#myrandomweeklythoughts

IG: @dr_mykk

GUNS! TO BE OR NOT TO BE?

I thought I had an opinion about this until a few days ago, then I got to see the issue from an entirely different perspective.

I know you are wondering what the issue is right? WOULD GUNS IN THE HANDS OF LAW-ABIDING CITIZENS REDUCE CRIME RATE OR NOT? That’s the issue ooo my dear people! I used to think and believe that any laws that put guns in the hands of people other than law enforcement or the military was insane. I have even published several articles on the subject. How would you make guns available to civilians and not expect them to use these guns, and expect that crime rates will not double or even triple? 

But I came across a perspective that challenged my views on this issue. If law-abiding civilians are allowed (by law) to own guns, it would discourage criminal elements from attacking people indiscriminately, because they know that you have what they have - guns! 

This argument leaves several questions unanswered still, which is why I don’t completely concur with it. For instance; how do you deal with a husband or brother or sister pulling a gun on their sibling or parent because they are upset or disappointed? What if one is careless and a child finds the gun and uses it to hurt themselves? What if criminal elements decide to increase their fire power and attack anyway? (like we see most times in Nigeria where Police is hiding from thief because they have more firepower). All these are equally important issues too, and more. On the other hand, one reason why the US has not again used nuclear weapon since 1945 is because 8 other states have nuclear weapons and some others are still secretly building theirs. This has created what Strategic studies experts call “Deterrence”; fear that attack could provoke equal or superior counterattack, so every country just respects itself and refrain from attack. Plus, 

I guess my point is; this is a conversation we ought to have, especially in the light of increasing proliferation and trafficking in arms and ammunition, especially in Nigeria. What do y’all think?

#myrandomweeklythoughts

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ONE RITUAL I NEED TO STOP

So I have been thinking a lot in the past two days about rituals in my life... I have a number of rituals that I perform daily, and sometimes weekly and other times even monthly or yearly, and I bet this isn’t just me, we all have some kind of ritual that is tied to our person. But there is this one ritual I really do not feel good about.

I have been seeing all kinds of things on social media in the last two days that tell me it’s that time of the year again. Things like; “the tomb was empty so you can be filled”, “He was betrayed with a kiss, denied by His friend...” and all that stuff. None of these is bad. In fact, thankfully, all of it is TRUE! But sadly, once this weekend is over, we have to wait another 365 days (or close to that) to be reminded of these amazing truths. 

I guess my point is that Easter, Christmas and whatever else you think stands out as some kind of symbol of some ‘absolute truth’ have all become just ‘rituals’; like ‘well it’s that time of the year again and everyone else is at it, why be left out?’. Sadly, this is also the case with our weekly worship services (whether they are on Saturday or Sunday). Consciously or unconsciously, many of us (including myself) just go to church or worship services, most times to ‘check the boxes’ and ‘fulfill all righteousness’. There is still so much selfishness, and jealousy, and pride, and impatience, and hate, and envy, and wickedness, and the list goes on, reigning in our hearts... All we do is take a pause on the ills, perform the necessary ritual and get right back to ‘our lives’, others even do their own rituals while at ‘their lives’.

Yeah I know, enough of the beating around the bush... My point is Easter, Christmas and everything else that has to do with ‘truth’ ought to be not just a ritual, but a lifestyle. Every second of every single day should be ‘good friday’, and ‘Easter’ and ‘Ed-el-fitre’, and ‘Christmas’ and everything else that means something to us once in a while. I am tired of the rituals, I want a lifestyle that constantly reflects my gratitude for the love and grace of God, EVERY MINUTE of EVERY DAY! So help me God!

What are you reflecting upon Easter?

#myweeklyrandomthoughts

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LESSONS FROM MICHELLE OBAMA’S ‘BECOMING’

Some three weeks ago, I finally started reading ‘Becoming’. I had had the book for several months now, but the hype of the book made me a little skeptical. I was really hoping I would not get disappointed, and certainly I wasn’t disappointed one bit. No doubt, the status of Michelle has helped to push the book into the market, but the book speaks for itself too.

So after 24 long and engaging chapters, plus a preface and epilogue. I will just share five things the book re-emphasized that I would never forget in a hurry. There are definitely over a dozen more lessons, but you should do yourself the honor of reading it too... It’s refreshing!

1. FAMILY IS EVERYTHING

The family theme was one that ran all through the book. Michelle unapologetically portrayed her preference for family over all else; mirroring the love she and her elder brother Craig enjoyed from her middle class family on Euclid Avenue at the South side of Chicago, to her intentionality in ensuring that her girls didn’t suffer neglect as a result of the busy life herself and Barack found themselves in. Even when they hired a baby sitter, she made sure she was always home before bedtime to talk the girls to sleep. Children don’t really care how rich or poor their parents are, all that matters eventually is how much time and love you give to them.

2. NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE CAN BE REASONED OUT

Which of us has not been taken by surprise as life spring new roles and responsibilities at us without warnings? Having finished from Princeton and Harvard and landing a fantastic legal career, Michelle hadn’t ever thought of politics or prepared for fame until Barack came along. Then all too sudden and in quick successions she has to deal with all life was throwing at her, with little or not enough time to always reason it all out. 

3. OVERCOMING FEARS

As life became more demanding, Michelle had to hire a chef to cook meals and eventually hire nanny for her girls. As a young black lady from a middle class family, she understood the implication of these actions and what people would say, but what had to be done had to be done. Many practically live their lives on the premise of what others will think or say, as such they fail to do even the very expedient things. 

4. IT’S HARDER TO HATE SOMEONE UP-CLOSE

Sometimes there is that one person that we just don’t like and for no good reason too. Or we ourselves are hated by people who even barely know us. I can’t imagine I almost believed the many videos I saw on YouTube about Michelle being a transgender who used to be a male and changed to become a female. The things hate drives people to do are appalling, and Michelle had tons of stranger as haters. Sometimes, the best way to treat hate is getting to know someone a little better, because indeed, like Michelle said “it’s harder to hate someone up-close”.

5. PROGRESS AND CHANGE HAPPEN SLOWLY.

Of all the lessons from this memoir, Michelle‘s thoughts about her visit to Madiba in South Africa was the one I consider the most profound. Very little transpired during the visit as Mandela was too old and feeble to engage herself and her entourage, but she noticed Mandela was a graceful old man. Mandela had been jailed for about 20 years, missed crucial parts of his growing up and family life, yet he wasn’t consumed with bitterness and animosity for all the years he spent in jail; he was still a graceful and happy old man. Mandela had given his whole life to South Africa and the country is still in the process of change. Many times we get discouraged and bitter when we don’t see our efforts yielding desired results, but like Michelle rightly noted from Mandela’s life; “progress and change happen slowly; not in two years or four years or even a lifetime”.

Have you read the book, leave your own lessons from the book or your thoughts in the comment section, I’ll like to hear from you.

Follow me on IG: @dr_mykk 

WHAT MARRIAGE STOLE FROM ME...

Hey, thanks for stopping by to check on #myrandomweeklythoughts

So two days ago I saw this video on IG, and I really was like, wait a minute, was this guy reading my mind or what? He literally went ahead to clearly highlight what I wanted to share with y’all, just that this is me telling you my own side of the story.

So on the 29th of July last year, I got married to my friend of 9years and my lover of some 10 months. That decision was about the best decision I ever made in my life; I will go all over it again and again if I had to; from meeting her, to our friendship, to dating and finally popping the question (and seeing that priceless look on her face) and then walking the aisle to bring her to the altar. I don’t and don’t expect to ever regret one bit of being married, let alone getting married to my wife. She’s my magic wand; and has brought so much good fortune into my life in just a few months. It’s important that I stress this firmly, so that what I am going to say subsequently is not taken out of context.

I miss some of my female friends! I asked my wife what she thought about the video and thankfully she confirmed that ‘it is normal’ for single female friends to hold back once a guy gets married, and vice versa. I bet she meant ‘it is normal’ not because it is the right thing to do, but because it has become tradition. Don’t get me wrong, almost everything changes when one gets married, and yes it is wise to shake off a few toxic friends (especially of the opposite sex) which can pose threat to your union. But my wife and I had a life before we got married; we each have platonic relationships that we cherish (for a thousand reasons) and as life progresses, as opportunities present themselves, these friends would become mutual. Unfortunately, some of my female friends may never get to meet my wife, but they’ll remain my friends.

It hurts to hear things like: you are married now na; or you have left our league/level. I only got married, didn’t go on exile. Marriage stole some friends from me and yes it hurts, but FAMILY FIRST! 

Leave your thoughts in the comment section, I’ll like to hear from you.

Follow me on IG: @dr_mykk to see the video

FROM HERE, ONWARD!

Few days ago, my friend put out on her Instagram story a question that I have wrestled with since then. She asked; “If there is ONE thing you are passionate about, what would it be?” Pretty simple question right? Well, I thought I had an answer, in fact, I did answer, but I found myself asking myself if my answer was the best I could do, and the answer is NO! There is so much more I am sure I would enjoy doing if only I could get myself up and about them...

So, here is where I am beginning. Publishing a blog post on a random thought every week about my life, the life around me or whatever else I find captivating my mind enough. I don’t guarantee you will like every thought, but I guarantee they would be worth every minute you spend reading and reacting.

I have seen the power of positive (and negative) influence in my almost 9 years of university teaching. Sometimes too I have spoken to an audience of less than 10, and somehow someone finds the session useful; either in their present or several years down the line (if I’ve had any influence on you, do well to share in the comment session). I am neither rich nor famous, or have I lived long enough to garner too many experiences, but I have my stories, I’ve heard those of some others you may not have heard, and I even have my own thoughts on those that you have heard too, and I intend to tell them all. I am sure someone will find them useful!

So don’t just stop by today, but next week, and every week after that. Don’t just read my thoughts and stories, but also leave me some reactions, and kindly share these stories with those who you think would find them useful. This is another opportunity of doing that ONE thing I am passionate about; ‘growing’ people.

So, I’ll ask you the same question; If there is ONE thing you are passionate about, what would it be? (I’ll be expecting your answer)

In the meantime, Welcome to #myrandomweeklythoughts

IG: @dr_mykk

2019 GENERAL ELECTIONS POSTPONED!

Well, do not panic, THE ELECTIONS ARE NOT POSTPONED. I wish they were postponed though, but they remained as scheduled. On Saturday February 16 2019, Nigerians would decide their next President, and I pray people are allowed to vote, that they vote wisely and that their votes are allowed to count!

I have not done any kind of research into this, but from mere observation, elections in Nigeria; for as long as I can remember, have always been held on weekends; precisely on Saturdays. It has become so routine that it appears conducting elections on a weekday in Nigeria is tantamount to electoral fraud. But I doubt that it does.

Elections on Saturday disenfranchises at least 239,104 electorates from voting. This is the number or Seventh-Day Adventist Christians in Nigeria as at 30th June 2018; who claim that elections on Saturday is against their religious ethics. However, most of the electorate do not seem to see this as a challenge to democracy and certain the government doesn’t. Buhari won with 2.57million votes in 2015, which is more than thrice the number of this largely minority Christianity group.

Although it is bad enough that one electorate is constantly denied the right to vote in elections, merely by the day elections are held, it is obvious that denying 239,000+ people MAY not yet have so much effect on the outcomes of the elections in Nigeria, but this may not remain the case in the near future as populations continue to explode; defiling every possible odd. We all talk so well about every vote counting, but we don’t seem to do so much to translate talk to action.  Hopefully, soon, as little as one electorate’s vote would start to really matter beyond all the ‘stereotype talk’ we hear. I hope it’s not too late then!

Wishing Nigeria a peaceful 2019 electoral outing! Let’s hope the promise of non-interference and that of peaceful, free, fair and credible elections will be kept.

God bless the FRN!