TRASH TRADITIONS!

After over three decades, some people mock me and others rebuke me for being unable to fluently speak my native dialect - Igbo. Sometimes, I have felt the need to do more than just respond to greetings and hold very simple surface conversations in my dialect, but more of the time, I have not felt I am obliged to be any proficient in a native dialect. I have several reasons for this, but I’ll share just two, and to be clear, I don’t care if you think they make sense or not, they are my opinion afterall... I guess you might even buy into them.

So, of course, one of Africa’s greatest potential for strength is her many thousand diverse and unique ethnic groups and peoples. Unfortunately, this same diversity has been more harmful than useful in the overall development of many African societies (in my opinion) and Nigeria is certainly one of those... On several occasions, I have seen the ability or inability to bargain in a native dialect result in higher or lower costs for the buyer, and I am sure you have also had similar experiences. It is simply disgusting, to say the list. Of course, bargaining is a very basic instance, there are several other more complex circumstances where ethnicity is the only condition for preference. The result? Your guess is as good as mine.

Secondly, not only is ethnicity detrimental to those who are of a different ethnicity, it is annoyingly detrimental also to those of the same ethnic group. I’ll give you two instances with the Igbo tradition (which is what I am familiar with). Before a loved one is laid to rest, the immediate family of the diseased is expected to perform certain ‘rites’ for the kinsmen namely; purchase of a well-fed he goat (sometimes it is advisable to allow one of the kinsmen to buy the goat themselves, so it is not rejected), several cartoons of drinks, something called ‘sizable meat’, coolers of rice and soups for various groups in the community, among others. Many times, the cost of completing these burial rites are so high that the diseased is left in the mortuary for several months and a few times, even years, very sad! The exact same thing happens in the event of getting married to a lady from the Igbo tribe, just that the number of cartoons and coolers may vary slightly. 

What is even more thought-provoking is that many of these so-called ‘kinsmen’ feel a sense of entitlement to literally ‘reap where they have not sown’ in the name of traditional rites. Apologies for sounding so sentimental in this post, that’s because I really am upset; some traditions are indeed worth trashing!

Some think this has to continue, just because it’s the way ‘our fathers did it’, first I don’t agree our fathers were this exploitative, and even if they were, times have changed... who’s joining me to say NO to exploitative tradition? 

#myrandomweeklythoughts

IG: @dr_mykk

THE COST OF LOVE!

I have been thinking about this for a while; I had shared it at a function recently where I was invited to speak on a related subject, and I think I want to share with y’all this thing that has been on my mind; fortunately it is one other thing that getting married has taught me... ‘Love’ in Africa, especially in Nigeria, is very expensive! How do I mean?

In the ‘West’, a man finds a woman he intends to make his wife, upon giving her consent, parental blessings are sort and in a small gathering of family and a few close friends, the marriage Union is contracted and the journey begins. In most cases, the budget of the small gathering/wedding ceremony is borne by family and close friends; from wardrobe to cakes to pictures to logistics, everything. 

On the other hand, in Nigeria; especially where I come from, the story is a little different. Once you have found ‘love’, a number of factors are involved; first as the man, you need to consult with other people (fellow men) who have gone ahead of you to get an idea of what obtains on what they call the ‘marriage list’, and most times too, you discover that just like textbook have various revised editions, ‘the list’ is also constantly updated (and almost always reviewed upwards), so what constitutes one persons ‘list’ can be entirely different from that of another, even when they married ladies from the same town. As if they were not enough, almost every Nigerian lady wants a three-fold wedding - at the village square, at the court and in the church. Interestingly, the cost of the wedding at the village square almost always exceeds the cost of those at the court and in the church combined, except your lady is the type that insists on certain things - asoebi, 8 layered cake, exotic wedding gown - God help you!

Some argue that the rationale for this age long cultural practice is that it places more value on the woman and makes it more difficult for her husband to leave her; of course when you remember how much the love cost you, you will rethink divorce more than twice... While I cannot confirm or refute this argument, I know that separation is on the increase; a whole 14% increase in separations in Nigeria in the year 2018 alone (https://www.thecable.ng/the-rate-of-divorce-in-nigeria) Also, the psychological implications too are overwhelming; may men delay marriage until they have built the financial muscle to undertake such costly enterprise (they end up getting married in their late 30s and early 40s to much younger ladies). Another concern is that once the cost has been incurred, a man sees his wife as a commodity he has bought and thus can dictate to her how to live the rest of her life with him and most times she barely has a say.

My point? Some of our cultural practices in Africa and Nigeria especially, are holding us in a stunted growth position. We can achieve better result by other more civil means if we put our minds to it. Unfortunately, most of the custodians of these traditions/custom are not enlightened and very resistant to change. I have a whole lot more to say, but I’ll reserve that for PART TWO of this thought next week.

Can you disagree with my views? Certainly! Please share your own thoughts in the comment section below 👇🏽

#myrandomweeklythoughts

#dr_mykk