Divorce Culture: My 2Cent!

Divorce is becoming a way of life in Nigeria, and if you think this is only common among celebrities, then think again, because if you look around you, you may well have that one relative or close friend or acquaintance who is either separated or who is currently undergoing a divorce. 

Ireti Doyle was the most recent shocker. I literally screamed in the kitchen when I read this yesterday morning, my wife thought I had chopped off my finger with the kitchen knife. In the last one year alone I have lost count. The social media has not made it any easier as people’s life’s and relationships have been brought before the ‘judgement seat’ of social media. I am literally waiting to hear Basket Mouth share a joke about his divorce the same way he had several jokes about his wife. 🙈

Jokes apart though, to be fair, relationships, let alone marriage, is one of the most difficult jobs on earth, no capping! I listened to one preacher say, if your marriage is like being a frying pan, then get fried 😊 I’ll let you make whatever you can out of this unconventional statement. But here is my 2 cent sha… 

1. There is no such thing as ‘the right person’ in marriage. Don’t be deceived by all the many relationship bloggers on IG, marriage is hard work guys, doesn’t matter if your spouse is an angel, the mere fact that you are human means that your selfishness will manifest sometimes and that ‘angel’ will piss you off badly and maybe regularly. I don’t know how else to say it sha, but there is so much more to it than the ass grabs, the stolen kisses, the public paparazzi, the awwwn-ish skits (whatever that means), the sex and fill in the blanks. If you are not ready for the job, stay clear! 🙏🏽
2. The boobs, nice ass, 6 packs, and figure 8 are all beautiful stuff, but when the chips are down, you will be willing to walk away from all of them. Pay attention to the things that matter the most; faith, and values.
3. Love is so much more than just a feeling. Beyond all the butterflies in the belly and incredible emotions, love is a very strong commitment.
4. Forgiveness is key! Always be ready to give your partner a million chances over. You don’t have to put or keep yourself in harms way, but don’t ever shut the door to forgiveness. 
5. Social media is a trap, don’t get carried away guys. Keep private business private, because at the end of the day, nobody send you for ‘these streets’ 🤷🏽‍♂️

Imagine that, with all the blunders you have made so far in your short life, you wake up one morning and God says He can’t put up with you anymore, and He is leaving. Unthinkable right? That’s how marriage ought to be; “as Christ loves the church” (Eph. 5:25). Forgive me, but talking about marriage without the Bible is like trying to fix a product without the manufacturer’s manual. 

Am not saying you should stay in a toxic environment/relationship, but be careful  not to get into one in the first place, and even if you did, quitting may not be an option. But I mean, what do I know? 

Did a post about finding the right person to marry a while back though, you can read it here

Please what’s your 2 cents on this matter abeg? Feel free to disagree with me in the comments section! 👍 

#myrandomweeklythoughts

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU FOUND THE RIGHT PERSON TO MARRY?

First of all, apologies for not coming through with this last week. I decided to keep a few thoughts to myself, and I guess that’s okay right? Thanks for accepting my apologies!

So a friend asked me last week; “How did you realize you had found the right person to marry?” I know this is almost a cliche question, but trust me it is one of the most important cliche questions there are. I tried to answer her not as a professional (because I am not), but as someone who found MY ‘right person’. Notice I said ‘my right person’ not ‘the right person’. I’ll share some of my answer to her with you...

First, and most importantly (I think), how do you define ‘right person’? ‘Right person’ when it comes to marriage is a relative concept, because my right person may be different from yours. You may say that is obvious; two people can’t possibly marry the same person. I agree! But two people can marry two persons with similar values and principles, which to me is what determines who a person is, and whether they are right or wrong for something/anything. So the first question is; what values do you want in a husband/wife (which of these can you compromise and which of these values are non-negotiable)?

Many people say and believe that “there is someone for everyone”. I agree to the extent that everyone who wants someone eventually finds someone to be with, not that God specially created someone for anyone. Because if that was the case, a woman who lost her ‘someone’ in less than two years of marriage will not find another ‘someone’ to love and marry. Definitely it can’t be the same person as the first marriage, but it is definitely ‘someone’ for them too. 

You know, matters of the heart are complex and spiritual too, and need careful thought and prayer. Unfortunately, society is messed up; many kids are marrying kids, many fools are raising fools and some even prefer to marry their pets (I can’t describe the disgust I felt the day I overheard a group of ladies talking about how they felt making love to their dogs). Hmm! They say we should not judge *lips sealed*

I guess my point is; marriage is blissful if you choose YOUR RIGHT PERSON carefully and prayerfully. Don’t also stay careful and praying and menopause (or it’s male counterpart) catches up with you. Marriage is also a HUGE LEAP OF FAITH! God can help you find the balance!

Please leave your thoughts in the comment section!

#myrandomweeklythoughts

IG: @dr_mykk

WHAT MARRIAGE STOLE FROM ME...

Hey, thanks for stopping by to check on #myrandomweeklythoughts

So two days ago I saw this video on IG, and I really was like, wait a minute, was this guy reading my mind or what? He literally went ahead to clearly highlight what I wanted to share with y’all, just that this is me telling you my own side of the story.

So on the 29th of July last year, I got married to my friend of 9years and my lover of some 10 months. That decision was about the best decision I ever made in my life; I will go all over it again and again if I had to; from meeting her, to our friendship, to dating and finally popping the question (and seeing that priceless look on her face) and then walking the aisle to bring her to the altar. I don’t and don’t expect to ever regret one bit of being married, let alone getting married to my wife. She’s my magic wand; and has brought so much good fortune into my life in just a few months. It’s important that I stress this firmly, so that what I am going to say subsequently is not taken out of context.

I miss some of my female friends! I asked my wife what she thought about the video and thankfully she confirmed that ‘it is normal’ for single female friends to hold back once a guy gets married, and vice versa. I bet she meant ‘it is normal’ not because it is the right thing to do, but because it has become tradition. Don’t get me wrong, almost everything changes when one gets married, and yes it is wise to shake off a few toxic friends (especially of the opposite sex) which can pose threat to your union. But my wife and I had a life before we got married; we each have platonic relationships that we cherish (for a thousand reasons) and as life progresses, as opportunities present themselves, these friends would become mutual. Unfortunately, some of my female friends may never get to meet my wife, but they’ll remain my friends.

It hurts to hear things like: you are married now na; or you have left our league/level. I only got married, didn’t go on exile. Marriage stole some friends from me and yes it hurts, but FAMILY FIRST! 

Leave your thoughts in the comment section, I’ll like to hear from you.

Follow me on IG: @dr_mykk to see the video

Bigamist: You'll Be Surprised What It Means!

So I attended a lecture last week at the Nigerian Institute of Social and Economic Research (NISER) on Women Bigamist in Southeast Nigeria, the lecturer and my friend; Dr. Amaka Emordi of the Department of Political Science at Obafemi Awolowo University had invited me. I honestly didn't know what to expect from the lecture, but my mind was blown away by the end of the lecture.

A woman bigamist is "a woman who simultaneously and successfully engages in more than one form of marriage". Don't get surprised just yet. A bigamist is not a lesbian, as she doesn't have any sexual relationship with her wife, even though they are legally married. Some variants of bigamy are: a woman marrying a younger woman for herself; a daughter marrying a wife for her father; a sister marrying a wife for her brother, among others.

Some of the major reason for bigamy include childlessness and the lack of male children. Poverty and social status as well as poor living standards are other factors necessitating women bigamy. Now, here are few complications from bigamy: the woman-husband (bigamist) fulfils all customary marriage rites and legally marries a fellow woman; the woman-wife is free to sleep with any man of her choice and as many men as she wants as long as it results in children for the woman-husband; the woman-wife is taken care of by her woman-husband as a man takes care of his wife and attends to her every need aside sexual... One interesting recommendation from the lecture, among others, is the establishment of sperm banks and encouragement of anonymous donations of sperms and female eggs to address the problem of infertility and lack of male children.

Now my questions:
1. Why on earth would you accept to be a woman-wife; legally married to a fellow woman?
2. Why would you buy sperm or eggs from a bank, or why not?

Kindly provide answers in the comment box, you never know who is reading... Shalom!